I know you're not here, on this site or even in this world, and you're not the slightest bit concerned with posts made on Facebook, but I wrote this for you October 19, exactly a month before you were called home. It's been less than 16 hours and I'm being overstimulated with all the new realities that are beginning to set in. I wish I could've seen your face when you entered glory. I love knowing that you'll get to see mine. I miss you Travis. I don't think this post will make me feel better, but maybe it can be a showcase of who we are together to a couple who isn't sure of how great they can be.

October 19, 2015
“And the next thing we knew, they all had flown off, and to this day that lake is somewhere over Georgia.”

I’m watching Fried Green Tomatoes. You’re coughing and turned away from me on the bed, and I’m sitting in the rocking chair next to you, grading papers. I love this chair. I took care of our babies from this chair. And I’m taking care of you from it, too. Maybe I should call it the Take Care Chair. Only one other person left to take care of from this chair. 
This chair. This chair. I don't want to have to be next in this chair.

I watch the blankets on our bed rise and fall with each of your sweet breaths. You are obsessing over containers for your salts. You do that from time to time. Obsess. You’ll get online and search and research and pore over reviews. It drives me nuts, but I know if there ever comes a day when you’re not here, I will miss those endless nights of googling.

I love you, Travis Tinnin. I don’t want to do all, or any of this without you. Who will talk me off the ledge when I start to sweat the small stuff? Who will teach Thurgood to never quit and Tallulah not to walk through a door that’s not being opened for her? Who will stay up late talking about life’s mysteries with me? Who will laugh at those inappropriate jokes and made up song lyrics that I would only share with you? No one else in the world would laugh hysterically about a role reversal for The Little Drummer Boy. You make me better. You make me wiser. You make me stronger. I love and live so much better.

God is using you to show me who He is, to show me His turnaround power. He uses you to love on me, to encourage me, to strengthen me. You are my easiest victory and my greatest challenge. I knew I had you from the moment I met you. I am fighting every day to keep you.
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Ephesians 5:25

I began the following post about an 2 hours before Trav took his last breath. His passing was the most painful, the most precious, the most confusing moment of my existence. There is still so much you don't know about him. So much I want to tell you. So much I hope you already got from him.
Visitation and service hours and location will be posted on our Facebook page tomorrow. They will be here in Katy on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. Thank you for everything. Everything. We love ya'll. I love y'all. So much.
9:15 AM
It's been 38 hours since Travis told me he loved me out loud. This is the second longest he's gone without saying it since he first told me. The first time was when it slipped out of his mouth 5 months before we began dating...officially. I had been dating someone else all throughout college. While I don't believe in chance, the night Trav and I met was serendipitous in several ways. (Trav would chime in right about now and say, "Good word.") The first night we met was the night Travis told me that I would not marry "that guy." True Trav honesty. I didn't realize he was a man on a mission. This life-changing phrase slipped out of his mouth during one of our conversations about breaking up with said boyfriend. To be such a word wizard, these are my most favorite words of his.
Trav hasn't held a conversation since Monday. He told me twice on Tuesday that he loved me. I have heard it multiple times a day for years now. Yesterday, I asked him about a hundred times, "Do you love me?" I was begging, and still am, to hear it one more time. Around 9:25 PM, I told him again. "I love you, Trav." He didn't open his eyes or his mouth. Instead, he pointed at his chest, drew a heart in the air, and held up two fingers. This was the greatest gift of my day. What a mercy during these days. Last night he kept grabbing my shirt, pulling me towards him, cupping my face and kissing me. No words necessary.
There is so much I want to tell you about Travis that I'm worried you don't know. There are so many sayings and mannerisms that are uniquely Travis that I dread no longer hearing or seeing. So allow me to fill you in.
Did you know that when Travis was a senior in high school, he went to state in OAP? Did you know he won best actor while there?
Did you know that Trav went to NYU for dramatic writing? While there he worked at Starbucks and drove a yellow taxi? Yes, likely the only white person you may have seen driving a taxi. While at Starbucks he became unlikely friends with Adam after bumping into him and threatening to "take matters outside." I'm glad he took it easy on you, Adam.
Did you know that Travis proposed to me when we were off playing "refugees" in Temple at my parents' during Hurricane Ike. It was a day before his 24th birthday.
Did you know that Trav has written numerous plays, some of which have been poor-man copyrighted and reside in our closet sealed.
Did you know that, before Tuesday, Travis had not gone a day in our marriage or engagement without telling me I was beautiful. Even if it was a lie that day.
Did you know that I begged Trav not to outdo me on our wedding vows the day we were married. He said he wouldn't, but I knew he was incapable of writing something that wasn't perfect. Out of fear, I tried my hardest to write something eloquent and thoughtful. It took up a page and a half. Trav stuck to his word and wrote three lines.
Did you know that Trav prefers to eat gummy bears by beheading them, and then dismembering? Do you know how long it takes to go through a bag of gummies when you eat them so meticulously?
Did you know that every cute pair of shoes I own were picked out by Travis. He'd argue that every cute item of clothing was picked out by him.‪#‎ithoughtstripeswerecool‬
Did you know that Travis bought me my first handbag after leaving my wallet and cell phone at work numerous nights in a row?
Did you know I sold my son's name to Travis over a furniture set? We weren't even pregnant, and I promised he could name our first born son Thurgood if I could have a furniture set. Needless to say, I got the furniture. He got the name. Love my furniture...head over heels with my Thurgood.
Did you know that we missed our honeymoon flight to Disney where we had dinner reservations waiting for us that night. He went to another airline counter, purchased new tickets in the wake of our wedding expenses, walked over to me and said, "I can either prepare to never live this down or be the hero. I choose to be the hero."
Did you know that the main reason people are turned off by Travis is because they don't know what to do with the truth.
Did you know that Trav knew that spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ was his primary job on this earth?